Untreaded Paths

Ever feel like something's amiss? Like you didn't complete something?

We all tend to go about everyday like clockwork. We tick tock ON at the crack of dawn or when the high wears off, and we tick tock OFF when the sun sets. Not knowing what we missed or didn't pay attention to.

We notice all that our consciousness allows us to. Deep down in our subconscious mind do we pay heed to those things we could've achieved? Those feat we could have gained?  Do we take risks we dared not to? We look at our achievements and never at our failures as to why we failed? Our nature is so adaptable, yet we keep on the path we are shown, have seen or sometimes have decided upon ourselves...I say we take those risks, make those changes and stray off of our paths...take those untreaded roads and LIVE!!!!

my masa

Fragile body, strong mind & a kind heart
Lived to live & never grumbled
Toiled in hardship & never wavered
Troubles beckoned but he moved on
Lost & gained all that was near & dear…but he moved on!
Faith in God & love for loved ones
Masaji, you’re the best that I knew…you’ll me missed!!!

Temptation accepts defeat!!!!

A new year, a new beginning & a new decade! I will admit I have no will power so when 2011 dawned I took an oath!
My Oath:
This I swear & swear with heart that my temptations will not over power me. I will uphold this oath I take with pride that when 2011 is about roll out on its heels I will accept 2012 amid utmost joy & pride. For I will have not succumbed to temptation!!


Julies' Stars!

Julie, a colleague and friend gave me star stickers & with pride I post them on my calendar every day that I make it through. It is a challenge & for me even harder.

So, for all the times that I have surrendered to my follies I say BRING IT ON!!!
I am here to battle all those demons that make it impossible for me year after year.

This year you will not conquer me, this year I will make it through! This year I will be victorious!

Dreams

"Old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out, but glad I had them" RK-BOMC

I wake up in the middle of the night jolted by what seems to be a splash of water. I find myself standing knee deep in a river somewhere. It all seems so surreal, so pristine, and so beautiful. Suddenly I am back in my cold & comfy bed.

I used to dream but of late, I haven't had any that I can recall. The thoughts that cross my mind these days have been vague and sullen. I day dream every so often and wonder what would have been? What could have been? Again, I find myself in the real world and gasping for a single breath!

Tonight, I lay myself to sleep with hopes of new, exciting and promising dreams. Dreams of you, dreams of me and dreams of all that is to be!!

my thoughts lead to you

Thoughts cross my mind and I am thinking of you.
The moon appears over the lake and I am thinking of you…
A breeze passes by and I am thinking of you.
The sun rises and sets at your thoughts,
You have me enthralled and encaged.
I can’t escape even if I try to and GOD knows I want to.
I want to break free, I want to soar high and scream…
I am free…free at last free of you, of her, of us…of dreams!!!

Day 1

I managed to get up & out of bed. I did what I have wanted to for years and never was able to. No reasonable excuse except plain and simple Laziness!!

Why me?

As the summer changes to fall and the trees shed their cover why do I feel like I become just as vulnerable as the bare trees? I hear the geese every so often headed to warmer abode...and wonder if they'd survive if they stay back?
One by one they all cross the oceans & onto greener pastures, why do I stay back? why do I let the tides of change touch my toes & recede? All these questions and no answers. The water is cold, deep and dark...it invites, it calls for me to jump in and let go! I wonder if did, would anyone miss me?

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memories...

I came to listen to "ye raate na ee purani...from Julie and that was it. All the old memories started flowing. I recalled those days spent at Fidvi Mahal. The naughtiness, the mischievous rendezvous on first floor with all of us behind the closed doors, the beatings I got for cheating at a game of langdi or hide&seek! Seven fists from every player...on my back & it hurt! Everyone hit hard enough to cause pain...but there were a few of them who'd go easy everytime. Why? U know who you are, I need not drop names!

I would sneek the keys while my mum & aunts slept during their routine afternoon naps. We'd all get in...go out the back door & lock the front door with its old fashion lock. Wonder if mum still has that lock. I would like to hold on to that!
Those were the days...that was the childhood I remember and cherish.....those were the days! The days gone by, days I wish my children would have had. It wasn't all about gadgets or texting, it was all about FUN...about having all those you loved by you!!! It was about being a child....our kids sad to say will never know that!!!

you are missed...

I saw the sun rise before I fell asleep... the day dawned & I was dismayed and chaotic... night looms again & I fear sleep...

I am "spoiled"!! as many would attest to it. However, I do not think so. I did not think so...until the sun set yesterday. My world seemed incomplete, desolate and quite. I didn't feel spoiled at all when I forced myself to my bedroom...I didn't feel spoiled when I watched the sun rise & had no one to share it with.

Amazing how we take things, people and certain liberties for granted? I am probably the only one to admit it. Life does not stop as time does not. It goes on!! I fear the day I have to go along alone. It is unbearable now knowing that it is only temporary...

Fireflies....

My soft pillows were beckoning me....

I couldn’t get away from my pc. I couldn’t turn down the music. By now, it had replayed maybe 7 times or so…and I still wanted to hear it more and more and more.
OWL CITY’s fireflies!! This is me, my folly!

Damn this guy is good! I wondered how, when and where did he come up with the lyrics. They hold on, a grasp that takes one to wonderland. I, for a moment was back home in New York…walking the same old street dreaming of things I can’t fathom.
One more time I tell my hubby…just one more! He normally would gripe at it, wanting to get some sleep but today he too is listening to what I was listening. I wonder if he’s lost too…lost in his own World. The places I envisioned the people I missed, the streets I recalled & you…

Nostalgic moods occupy my brain waves these days. It must be these harsh winters of Wisconsin...or just missing my parents..or maybe the fact the my kids don't seem to need me as much. I am officially mum to 2 teenagers & I am still sane!! for now atleast...

Note to self: Buy the Album! Upload song on my iPod!